If you are someone who reacts with anger to certain situations, you are in very good company. Anger is, after all, a normal and healthy emotion that every human being experiences. Some people experience a disproportionate response to a small stressor, or hold on to anger for an extended period to a point that weakens a relationship or your own health.
Here are the best tips to control your anger before it takes over.
How to return to calm after an anger?
Identify your triggers
One of the most effective strategies for managing your anger is to be aware of the things that make you angry in the first place. This is key to managing your well-being before emotions escalate.
If you can't avoid triggering situations (or people) entirely, make a plan for how to deal with them. For example, if your cousin, whom you see several times a year on major holidays, always seems to tease your temper, prepare for that fact before spending time with him.
A healthy approach is to walk away to calm yourself when you feel your anger rising. Once your body relaxes and you feel more centered, you can deal with the problem.
Perform a body scan
When you feel anger coming, it's best to do a quick body scan to determine if certain needs aren't being met. In other words, ask yourself: Have you eaten recently? Are you dehydrated?
If your body does not have what it needs to be able to handle something that is triggered in the environment, it can be difficult to use emotional regulation tools and skills. Keeping our bodies properly prepared to work in tandem with our brains can be a wonderful gift to ourselves.
If you think you are falling short on hydration, it is best to monitor the amount of water you drink for a few days to see if you need to increase it.
He also suggests monitoring your energy, concentration, and emotion levels throughout the day.
Talk to someone
When you start to notice feelings of anger brewing, it can be especially helpful to talk to someone who is supportive, be it a friend, family member, coworker, or therapist.
Sometimes hearing ourselves speak out loud about what made us angry allows anger to dissipate . People who are good listeners and know how to communicate effectively can serve as useful receptacles for intense emotions.
Practice deep breathing
Deep breathing has been found to help with countless conditions, from high blood pressure to digestion, and it can also ease anger.
When you get angry, you go into 'fight or flight' mode, which is your body's natural response to being attacked. When you practice deep breathing, your nervous system is more relaxed, you slow down and focus, and you are better able to calm your emotions.
Practicing deep breathing is quite simple and can be done anywhere, although a calm and quiet environment can be very helpful. To start, sit up straight and inhale slowly through your nose and hold for five seconds. Exhale at the same speed through your mouth and repeat after five seconds.
Write a journal
Writing things down, whether it's in a journal or on a piece of paper that you later throw out, can go a long way in controlling your emotions, according to a January 2015 study published in Anxiety Stress Coping.
It helps to have a safe place to release your emotions and write down the things you want to say without attacking anyone or damaging any relationship. After the heat of that moment, you can review what you wrote and then decide how to handle the situation in a calmer way.
move on
When you engage in physical activity, whether it's walking at a brisk pace or doing a cardio kickboxing workout, your body releases feel-good endorphins that naturally relieve stress, tension, and other negative emotions , as shown in a series of research, including an April 2019 published in Preventive Medicine.
The goal is to use physical activity so that the body changes its energy in the moment to stimulate the experience of well-being. When anger prevails, the body is tense, rigid, and static, but exercise promotes the flexibility necessary to shift negative energy and allow well-being to take over the mind and body.
Change your focus
Experts encourage focusing on a positive memory, person, or place.
The book The Secret talks about this and calls them "secret changers", something accessible in your mind that is so closely associated with positivity, that your entire emotional response can turn toward that emotion. You can write about five of your own 'secret changers', watch them frequently, and once you memorize them, you can easily access them during a time of emotional distress.
This can serve as a way to interrupt your anger response and allow you to find a sense of calm once some of that initial emotional intensity has worn off.
